*********SIGH*******
I can’t believe you’ve been gone for 2 months….my sadness is getting more pronounced instead of lessening. This last week has been especially bad, I just can’t seem to snap out of it. The little furball we brought home is a distraction at times, and at other times he seems to make the loss of you worse. It’s not his fault, or anyone’s really, that the hole in my heart is so big. And he tries his hardest to keep me focused on him and his goofy antics; which oftentimes backfires and I find myself frustrated beyond belief with him.
Sorry, baby, that mommy is letting you down. I know you want me to be happy again, to love again – I’m trying, really I am. This came in the mail yesterday, and I will wear it always, to keep you close to my heart. Never mind me, you go back to playing at The Bridge…I know some new friends have joined you recently. Be good, mama loves you!
P.S. I started writing this a couple days ago, and upon re-reading it was surprised by how dark it sounds. I guess that’s how this journey goes, as anyone who’s been on it can relate. Today is a better day, the “Tiny Devil” has made me laugh – and he’s shown me another of his “Nitro” characteristics…..biting the water from the hose as I filled his tiny swimming pool. I sometimes feel like Nitro isn’t sending me signs from The Bridge, but then I realize that Grizzly himself is the biggest sign there is. He is SO like Nitro, in so many ways, and is constantly finding ways to show me this – I just have to be open to seeing them. No worries, Tripawd Family…..I’m ok. Wishing you peace and love from the Ehlers’ ranch.
October 2nd, 2017 at 11:09 pm
Dark? no way, not at all. Be kind to yourself, don’t be afraid to laugh at the White Devil and remember that Nitro never wants you to be sad because he is an angel now. All he wants is to know that you are living life in the same big, joyful and glorious way that he did. And in time, you will.
Beautiful necklace!
September 27th, 2017 at 1:08 am
Paula,
You are not letting Nitro down. You are mourning. It takes time. 2 months is nothing. Buddy has been gone for 18 months and it still stings but I’m in a much better place. Give yourself a break girl, and give yourself some time. Nitro is with you ALWAYS. It will get better, I promise. We are all here for you. Sorry that you have to go though this. Your new pup, Grizzaly the tiny devil – Nitro is sending you signs. Hang in there girl. We never forget them, they never forget us and we always have each other.
Xoxo
Julie and Tripawd Spirit Buddy
–Who is probably playing with Nitro right now!
September 26th, 2017 at 5:06 am
I have to come back, but I just want to say how LOVELY that one of a kind necklace is!! It’s such a beautiful to always carry Nitro with you!!
Also want to say quickly, I’ll come to pick up that pain-in-the-ass -Grizzly -Tiny Devil -outta’ controll -dog -who -is -doing- everything -Nitro tells -him -to -do as soon as you say so!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
September 25th, 2017 at 3:57 pm
Paula,
I’m about five weeks behind you, but I’ll likely feel the same way. It’s discouraging to think this won’t subside anytime soon, yet encouraging to know I’m not alone. And neither are you.
Sending happy thoughts of Nitro your way.
David and Rocky
September 25th, 2017 at 11:58 am
Paula we do worry. You maybe “ok” but we know that is part of the journey. We are family. When you hurt we hurt. You are right it is part of the journey and you are still early in it. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Yes Grizzly is a good distraction but it still doesn’t mean you don’t hurt and don’t carry the grief with you. It takes time not something you get over. You will always have that whole in your heart no matter how many furrybabies you have. They each have a special spot. You will have good and bad days. Like I always say its a personal journey and no one can tell you when it won’t hurt.
I am glad Nitro is guiding Grizz and letting him learn some of his fun habits. 🙂 Then you can smile and say boy Nitro I am glad you taught him that. 🙂
Thinking of you
xoxoxox
Michelle & Angel Sassy