This is Nitro’s 2nd birthday without us….he would be 13 years old today. It feels like he’s been gone forever, or that he never even existed. He’s fading from my memory, and I never thought that would happen. How can a piece of my heart seem so far away? I still think of him dozens of times a day, that hasn’t changed. I still ache for his goofy smile, his hugs, his intense need to always be touching me. That has gone, and will never be again. Who I was when he was with me, will never be again. What’s that old saying – “Tis better to have loved and lost….”, I’m not so sure of that.
Yes, time marches on for everyone. As sad as I am that my Warrior has left my side, we do have new joy in our house. Nitro would have wanted that, I think. (not while he was here, of course, because he hated all dogs except brother Kodi). Our newest addition is Tucker, a Cairn Terrier that just turned 7 months old this week. He and Grizzly have become the best of buds, and play/fight endlessly. They make me laugh every day with their silly puppy antics, while exasperating me at the same time.
Twin Terrors
my trainers, hard at work
Tucker and Kodi
Senior Kodi
Kodi is doing well for a dude that’s 14 1/2 years old. He still bounces like a puppy when it’s time for a walk, even though his walks are much slower and shorter these days. His days are more relaxed since Tucker came – he’s happy to sit back and watch the tots act like fools. Tucker is getting “the big snip” on Halloween, so I thought it fitting to make these costumes (that the little boys will wear) for the trip to the vet that day:
I think Nitro will be smiling in heaven, when he sees this on his birthday. So that’s how things stand here at the Ehlers’ Ranch….Nitro is no longer by my side, but forever in my heart; and a trio of terrorist’s, er terriers, make me smile every day. Wishing you peace…
November 7th, 2018 at 6:35 pm
Happy (belated) birthday, Nitro!
Paula, it’s funny/not funny but just days before you posted this I was thinking the same things about Isa, how she was fading away from me. So … I don’t know. Great minds? I too am benefiting from Rene’s and Holly’s wisdom. And maybe it says something that I’m only now here commenting.
BTW, the picture of you and Nitro cuddled up, his paw on you shoulder – cue the waterworks.
and the terrorterriers (isn’t that what Tina called them?) – well I can see they’re keeping you on your toes. Mounds and Almond Joy! LOL
Many hugs my friend!
Teri
November 3rd, 2018 at 2:05 am
Nitro, you are recieving extra special belated Spirt kisses for you in celebration of your Birthday!! You will forever in our hearts because of the love you and your Mum shared!
Paula you are keeping whe hole warm with your Trio of Terribly Cute Terriers! The hole that Nitro used to fill in his entirety. Each picture and post that you write, will help to fill that hole that you feel inside your soul and keep a piece of his soul with you always!
I love Rene and Holly’s words of wisdom and with all of our support we hope to fill a void with love and care for your well being.
Hugs to you Paula and many cuddles to your Trio of Treasures!
♥️♥️♥️
November 1st, 2018 at 10:49 pm
Happy Birthday, Angel Nitro!
I can relate to your post time goes by so fast it does seem like they are gone furever. A piece of your heart is never far away Nitro lives on every day within your heart and soul! Who you are is because of Nitro. The saying that comes to my mind is grief only exists where love lived first.
Grief is the last act of love to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love!
I love you little bundles of joy & how fun to go to the vet as Mounds and Almond Joy I’m sure everyone was smiling.
I was ok until I read Rene’s comment now I’m crying! Rene should post that for all to read that is purrfect!
Big Hugs to you Paula Nitro is very much alive in spirit his banner popped up to prove that;)
Holly & Purrkins❤️
November 1st, 2018 at 3:38 am
NITRO!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AT THE HEAVENLY BRIDGE SWEET BOY!😚😙😚 I know you had a fun filled pawty full of lots of junk food and laser pawties all night long!
Rene gave you such a beautiful perspective on how Nitro still stays with you…with us. Lovely, beautifully expressed.😎
NITRO did, indeed, infuse your heart with internal love, and that continues to shape the essence of who you are. And who you are is one of the most loving and kind little Souls here 💖
I’ll just add that Nitro shows up in so many ways. And yes, not always in the obvious “memory” recalled in our brain, but in the friendships he created for us. His energy flows through you, through us and it is as alive as we are!
And Jackie’s way of closing your eyes and visualizing a special memory is a way to definitely “feel” his presence💕
Nitro’s “memory” is in the ,lovely diamond you wear, his energy is in his tattoo, it’s in every aspect of your life. But no place more evident than in the friendships you and Nitro forged here. Yeah, the memories turn into the energy of love we all share as a result of Nitro bringing us all together.
So we celebrate you today Nitro💖💖 We all have benefited in so many ways because of “the gift of Nitro”! Look at all the love each of these posts shared today….so full of love and caring. Yeah, this is the kind of connection Nitro makes with his eternal energy. An energy that never fades,it only multiplies and gets stronger and brighter!!!💛💛💛⭐🌟⭐🌟
Love and light
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
And then we have THE TWINS to distract you from remembering anything at all!! These poctures are so darn cute!!! It is as though they were “twins separated at birth”. These two take the most adorable pictures! You can really see that they are buddies 💕
And then we have the wise one. The one who channels John as “the voice of reason” when it comes to wrangling these two in! We all love Kodi💖
OMD!! THE SWEATERS!!! I KNOW YOU MADE EVERYONE LAUGH AT THE VET!! PRICELESS!! Tney sure made us laugh!
November 1st, 2018 at 3:31 am
Hugs to you today my friend <3
It does help some to have those little rascals to keep you busy 🙂 But Nitro will always be in your heart. Just like all the ways Murphy pops into my day, Nitro pops into yours. Countless little things.
Kisses to the little boys & kodi too!
<3 Donna & Glenn
October 31st, 2018 at 9:56 pm
Hi Paula, Angel Nitro, and family ❤️
I know that grief. It’s so huge. I agree with Rene. Nothing has faded, it’s just embedded into your heart. And it’s all his. And i believe with all of MY heart that certain life events shape and mold you into who you are today. You never had a clue of how strong you are…. that was one of many gifts that Nitro gave to you.
I have a picture of Rosie and i out in the yard the first year in our house. She had this way of running to me and she would turn a little sideways when she got to me and just throw her whole body into me like a big body slam/hug. I can still feel it if i close my eyes. Think of something that was yours and Nitro’s. Just some common thing that sticks out for you. I bet if you close your eyes and think about it your heart will skip a beat and you’ll feel him. 6 years later i can feel her and manage a smile. Of course the tears are easy but those smiles will come more often for you. Maybe it’s crazy but that’s how i deal.
We have a puppy now, my first ever puppy. It’s not Rosie. It’s different, but that puppy is worming his way into my heart more and more with every day that passes. It’s not the same, but it feels good 💖
I love your pictures, your terrorists look like a blast!! (and a lot of work lol, but what good things in life don’t take work?) Nitro chose well for you. He knew you would need a power house of energy to keep you occupied 🤗🤗
Happy birthday Angel Nitro, and a huge squeeze of a hug to you 🐾🤗🐾
Jackie and Huckster ❤️
October 31st, 2018 at 6:17 pm
What a great way to think of it Rene…Nitro and his journey made me the person I am today. He is furever in my heart…thanks for making me smile (and cry).
October 31st, 2018 at 5:06 pm
OMG those pictures…precious! I am smiling big knowing your boys went to the vet’s today looking like that!
Now, about those memories….try to think of it like this: memories are a more superficial reminder of the times we shared with our loved ones. They are the icing on the cake, the part that stays in our human brain for as long as we’ve got a memory to take us back. Sometimes they’re harder to access.
But there’s something so much deeper than a memory within us. It’s the powerful love that someone, Nitro in this case, puts into our heart and turns into the essence of who we are. And that essence lives longer than the human brain, than our bodies…it is eternal, pawsitive energy! We will have it with us always and when our memories, our brain, our bodies are no more, the essence of the life we shared goes on into eternity. Make sense? OK that’s the way I see it.
On Nitro’s birthday, I wish you all a big, candy-filled fun fest and much love. Yes he would have wanted this for you Paula, I have no doubt.
October 31st, 2018 at 4:12 pm
Awe hugs Paula! Fading from your memory? I think not. He’s still a huge part of you as your thinking about him many times a day attests to. Nitro will remain in your heart forever. He’s helped you heal by bringing you the two little terrorist pups oops I mean terriers. He’s always going to watch over his Mom….always! Love doesn’t go away it simply changes. Happy Birthday Nitro! You’re still your Mamas good boy! ❤️❤️❤️
October 31st, 2018 at 2:20 pm
PS. LOVE all the pictures. And am glad Kodi is getting some relief.
xxoxo
October 31st, 2018 at 2:14 pm
Happy Birthday on the Bridge Nitro.
I know that you sent Grizz and Tucker to bring a little joy into your mom’s life. You could never be replaced.
It’s hard Paula. I wish I could say the birthdays get easier. Nope. Do you miss them any less? nope. Do you love them less Nope. Do you miss them more probably yes.
Time does march on for us but one day I know that they all will be there to greet us when we get to the Bridge.
Nitro, I hope you are having a huge party up there. Enjoy your celebration.
xoxoxo
Michelle & Angel Sassy