So I’ve been thinking about this post for awhile….trying to compose my thoughts and feelings of where I am today. For awhile I was in a dark place, moping and feeling sorry for myself that I no longer had my heart dog here with me. It’s been 3 months since we said good-bye; it feels like yesterday and it feels like its been forever. How can life have gone on without him? Yet it has, and I don’t always know how I feel about that. I miss him terribly, yet I would not wish him back as he was at the end. He was tired, his body was failing him; I do think he was ready to gain his wings and leave his earthly body, even though it meant leaving us behind to mourn him deeply. I can not begrudge him that…I WON’T begrudge him that! I have to learn to accept our new normal, to choose to go on with life, while always keeping him in my heart. To let myself heal, and to love again.
Loved balls!
I’ve decided to accept that he’s an angel, no longer by my side – and to stop wishing things were different. I’ve decided that I need to see Grizzly as Nitro’s parting gift to us; to see that through this tiny devil of a dog, Nitro lives on. To know that he smiles down on us as Grizz frustrates us at times, makes us laugh at times, and loves us with his whole tiny body.
Tiny Devil
I was looking through some pictures of Nitro I had on my phone, and will leave you with a glimpse of life with him. I am forever grateful that he came into our lives and took us on a journey we never would’ve asked for, yet was really a blessing in disguise. He brought us to this Tripawd family who mean the world to us; he showed me I’m stronger and braver than I ever thought possible. And, I hope he’s made me a better person because of the pain and suffering of losing him. On that note, I’m choosing to be positive and hopeful for the future instead of moping and sadness. Enjoy the pics of my beautiful boy….peace and love from the Ehlers’ ranch.
first vet visit
before his ears stood straight
loved his brother always
always ready to play
not sure why we did this
He truly was the most stunning creature, a superb athlete, a Velcro-dog…..HE IS MISSED!
November 2nd, 2017 at 6:32 pm
First of all, HOPPY belated birthday Nitro! I’ll bet the Howl-o-ween / birthday pawty at the bridge was a wild time this year!
Paula, I’m really proud of you for being so courageous and taking the steps to get where you are. It’s what Nitro wants for you. To live in the present moment and make the most of it. When you can show gratitude for all that was and appreciate all that is now, you have reached the pinnacle of Being More Dog.
xoxo
November 3rd, 2017 at 4:03 am
Thanks Rene, it’s taken me awhile, but I’m getting there. Thanks for all the support over the years.
November 1st, 2017 at 11:34 pm
Beautiful post. I love the photos. Nitro was so handsome.
I’m a month behind you since Friday will be two months since Rocky joined Nitro at the Bridge. I found your post inspirational to me that things will get better, even though – like you with Nitro – I’ll miss Rocky every day for the rest of my life.
November 2nd, 2017 at 1:46 am
Hard as it is to believe, things DO get better…if you let them. I was in a funk for a long time, re-living the past, wishing for a different outcome. But none of us can beat old-age, and that is what took Nitro from us. I needed to make a conscious decision that I was going to not be sad for the rest of time, to let a new body into my life and heart. Wishing the same for you.
November 3rd, 2017 at 6:07 pm
Thanks. My brain has started to move forward but my heart hasn’t quite caught up yet. I’m sure Nitro and Rocky are having loads of fun at the Bridge.
November 1st, 2017 at 2:54 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AT THE BRIDGE HANDSOME NITRO!! 🙂 🙂 I know yiu had one helluva celebration with all your pals! 🙂 The ice cream and cake after your steak dinner had ro be real yummy!
Paula, I really liked the pictures and memories you shared of the Magnificent Nitro. It just makes us fall in love with him all over again.
Even in his adorable puppy pictures, he looked like a wise adult in a “little” puppy body! I guess when you come to earth as a Wise Sage and Master Teacher. And Nitro DEFINITELY is proud of you and how well you have embraced his life lessons.
And make no mistake about it, Nitro picked Grizz specifically for you AND Kodi! And Kodi is obviously a Master Teacher for you both too!
We had some out of season lightening here the other night. It crossed my mind that it was Nitro teaching everyone at the Bridge how to catch laser lights! 🙂
We love Nitro and we are so privileged to be on this journey with him. A TRUE LEGEND around here!! 🙂 A BEACON of HOPE and INSPIRATION! 🙂 We are so grateful for him. And Nitro brought us you and we are eternally grateful for that too! 🙂
Lots of love and surrounding you with Nitro’s eternal light
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
October 31st, 2017 at 6:20 pm
I really wish we could have met Nitro, he really was a beautiful boy! I am glad for this journey, like you, in that it brought us such wonderful friends. Hugs to you today.
<3 Donna
October 31st, 2017 at 6:30 pm
Thanks Donna, my “twin”
October 31st, 2017 at 5:36 pm
Happy celestial birthday, Warrior Angel Nitro. You are doing a wonderful job of looking out for your family, especially in gifting them with the the little Terrierist known as Grizz (aka Tiny Devil).
Paula, I am so glad for you you are able to see the other gifts Nitro and his journey have given you as well. He was loved and cared for and is lovingly remembered by all of us.
October 31st, 2017 at 6:02 pm
Thank you Lisa, for loving my boy too
October 31st, 2017 at 4:38 pm
I thought of your boy first thing this morning because I knew today would’ve been his 12th birthday. Happy Birthday in heaven mighty Nitro! Just think of all the people you and your boy have helped and touched on his 3+ year journey! So many! Nobody asks for this journey but yes the upside is the warm and wonderful people whom we meet here and build unbreakable bonds with. Nitro wants his Mom to be happy and be able to love and laugh again. Your love for your Nitro only grows as happy memories overtake those last sadder ones. Sending you DD aka Grizz show that boy still has his sense of humor for sure! You did good Nitro….you did Good! Love you my friend!
October 31st, 2017 at 5:03 pm
The bonds we’ve made are forever, glad to have you in my life
October 31st, 2017 at 4:15 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WARRIOR NITRO.
I knew I shouldn’t have read this at work. I love all of these pictures. He is greatly missed by you and all of us.
These firsts suck. I know he is healthy looking down on you and definitely laughing at TD aka Grizz.
Paula thank you for sharing your emotions with us on this tough day. Thinking of you and sending lots of love & hugs
xoxoxo
Michelle & Angel Sassy
October 31st, 2017 at 5:02 pm
Thanks Michelle, for being a friend
October 31st, 2017 at 3:54 pm
Going through these images reminds me of my doberlady at the various stages of her life – who must be celebrating Nitro’s bday with him at Rainbow Bridge. Especially love that first pic of him as a baby!
We won’t stop missing or loving them, but hopefully the pain will get a little less every day xox
October 31st, 2017 at 4:16 pm
Dobies are a special breed, that’s for sure!